well now

Well.  Now what should we talk about?

Thank you is inadequate for the all the ways you responded to my post last night.

It took me days...DAYS...to write it.  I was nervous for Lee to read it.  When he didn't freak out and said we should share, I thought, ok maybe.  I sent it to a friend.  Then I rewrote part of it.  I read it over and over and over.  I knew I was using too many commas, but I really didn't care too much about that one.  Was it too long?

And then I prayed. {which in hindsight I realize I should've done first}

Sweet Jesus,
You put these words on my heart and I did the best I could.  Months ago when I was on my knees begging you to show yourself, just like all the times before, you did.  When we asked you back into our marriage you reminded us that you had never left.  I am scared as hell to hit publish.  I'm not an expert in anything.  I only know what is working for us and I just have to tell them.  Please let them see me as sincere and honest and broken.  My only hope is to point them to you.  Please let that be.
I'd like to tell you a tremendous peace flooded me, that I hit publish and went on about my night.  Didn't happen.  I was scared shitless....like not joking, I had diarrhea.  {Disclaimer: I love Jesus, but I do cuss a little.  Not the really bad words.  Sorry mom.  You did teach me better}.  I felt like I was just standing naked in the street.  No way to get the cat back in the bag now.

And then you read it.  And shared it.   And my blog nearly broke down.  It seems so many of us are feeling the same things.  I heard from young girls I use to teach who have yet to find "the one" to friends who are going through separations and divorces that I knew nothing of.  You poured yourself out and I am so grateful.    
I am praying about where to go from here and I think first we should talk about the journals.  That's the practice Lee and I have had in place the longest so I feel pretty square on that one.  I know a lot of people don't like to write, much less consider themselves a writer.  But writing a letter to your spouse isn't that hard if you just start.  I can help with that.

Apparently I have a lot to say.


  1. Could you please email me? My marriage seems as though it's a place where yours was at one time. I would love to hear your advice, tips etc.
    Thank you,

  2. Thank you for sharing your story. I just sent your post to a few friends who needed to hear it too. So many of us don't talk about the hard parts of marriage so I am grateful that you were willing to be vulnerable and put it out there.