Love Letter: Month Nineteen

Dear Jackson and Tradd,

Jackson, did you just notice that I put your name first? I always say "Tradd and Jackson" and I wonder sometimes if you wish I would say your name first. Maybe I say it that way because they pulled Tradd out of my belly first? Or maybe because his name is shorter? I don't know...maybe you don't care right now, but I bet you will one day...and by then I will be so good at saying it both ways you won't even notice.

Today you are nineteen months old and I just can't believe it. This morning before Sunday School, when Daddy and I were telling you "Happy Nineteen Month Birthday", we counted up and you will be TWO in 5 short months! We just shake our heads because there are no words that we have found to slow all of this down.

We have been taking you to Sunday School (when you are not sick and when we are home!) and you love it. You play very nicely with the other children and that makes me happy. Blake and Carlin are in our class for the singing at the beginning and they help me keep you in your seat! Carlin is soooo funny because she really wants you to do the hand motions so she helps you every time. And every once and a while she just leans over and plants a big kiss on you! These two love you both very much (everytime I see them they immediately ask where you are) and we don't get you together near enough. Aunt Hope and I will promise to do better!

You are also loving your Mother's Morning out class. You have not cried one single time when I have dropped you off and only once when I picked you up, but I think that was because you didn't want to leave! When I come back to get you and you see my face, you smile so big and put your hands out to me. That makes me think that you finally know what love feels like too. You love your teachers, Ms. Melissa and Ms. Lisa, and when we are leaving you hug their necks tight. I feel safe leaving you with them because I know that they already love you. How could they help it?

This month you have started to "count" things...of course, Daddy and I have been counting around you for a while, but this month you gave "your" numbers voice. We first noticed it when you would stand on the ottoman in the kitchen and wait to leap into someone's arms. We've heard you both, "One, two, Threeeeeee!!" although it doesn't sound quite like that! And now when we are reading books you try to count things on every page...you will take your pointer finger and randomly point to things and after three it sounds like "duhh, duhh, duhh"...I'm pretty sure you've gotten all the way to 16.

While all of this makes us sound like the Cleavers, let me assure you that you two are not exempt from the occasional "flair up" as I like to call it. You are learning to share, learning how to wait, and learning that hitting is not how you show anger. I think that one of the biggest misconceptions about twins is that they are born knowing how to share. This is not the case, and although I do think that you have had to learn these things earlier perhaps, than others, you are still learning too. We have been trying "Time Out" with you and it seems to be working. You have already learned by the tones in our voices that you need to sit and NOT get up. I do have to laugh though, because usually the one not having to sit will find the one who is having to sit and join him on the floor. (In this picture, Jackson was in "time out") I guess you like to be together...even if it means being in trouble together. Trust me...this does scare me immensely for the future. Maybe going to different colleges wouldn't been so bad after all....

One of the clearest memories that I have of pregnacy was a conversation that I had with your Gigi. We had just found out that you were "two" not "one", and I just could not wrap my brain around how I was going to have enough love for both of you. How was I going to have enough energy to hold each of you when you needed me, to read with you alone sometimes, to make each of you feel like you were the best kid on the planet? She assured me that I would, although I sighed and shook my head. Now that I have you, I know she was right because that's just how it is with God's love too. He has enough energy to hold each of us all the time, not just when we need him; and He sits with me when I find time to read a devotion and somehow the words are perfect for just that moment; and He makes me feel like I am the best mama in the world...and I know that I will always be enough for you because of Him.



  1. Your posts always make me tear up!! You are such a great mom!!

  2. I think the Lexapro just wore off, cuz I'm cryin like a fool. Thanks for such a sweet post. C